I sail above the frozen peaks, deep in cold cathedral caves

Sailboats - Sky Sailing

The scenic lands of Europe are almost magical.

I'll be in Japan for two weeks. I really don't know what to expect there, so I'm just feeling all sorts of emotions.

And right now there's a war between the vanities

Come Home - OneRepublic ft. Sara Bareilles

Still nervous and excited for two weeks in Japan. I'm leaving tomorrow, but I've barely packed. I can't wait to see the place, though.

I passed by Final Theory Test for driving, thank goodness. Now all I have to worry about is my Practical Test. Hopefully I can get my license before university begins. 

Speaking of university, I'm conflicted about signing up for freshmen orientation camps. A part of me knows I should go for the sake of making friends and knowing more about the school, but the rest of me feels like too much of a social disaster. The last camp I'd been too was in Secondary 2 and have gone to extraordinary measures to avoid camps ever since. I don't want to have to spend three days straight putting up with over-enthusiastic people and the pressure to join in. It's all so fake and desperate I can't see myself enjoying it.

On another note, while this may be premature to think about, I'm afraid of letting people down if I don't go to Bangkok in June. It'll be fun, cheap shopping and late nights in the hotel all to ourselves, but I don't know if I'm up to it. Yet.

JAPAN. JAPAN. JAPAN. JAPAN. 

I wonder if Erika and Janice are as nervous as I am.

Still every mother's child sings a lonely song

The Riddle - Five for Fighting

London has the most beautiful architecture and parks. I miss the freezing cold weather, especially since it has been so unbearably stuffy and humid in Singapore.

I'm starting to feel more and more anxious about the Japan trip with Erika and Janice as the day nears. It's exciting, but so many things could go wrong. I'm looking forward to seeing Japan, but not to facing all my little personal problems.

See it tear you up, when it calls your bluff

Bluff - Pilot Speed

When the lie that keeps you warm is the truth you're counting on.

Affection, the gifted architect is making a draft and beautiful design

Designer Skyline - Owl City

Thanks for all the respect, and lack thereof.

The stars, the moon, they've all been blown out

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

I miss them already. It has barely been a day, but I miss them. The last few days at work was the most fun I've had since I can remember. I didn't even mind staying past midnight in the store to finish up the reports, since it was fun hanging out with them. My previous job had felt me with such a pessimistic view of the workplace that I assumed I was only going to end up with mindless, life-sucking jobs thereafter. But no, if anything, just chatting with G and J helped me regain some confidence and hope in myself.
I feel like such a huge disappointment to them for not staying. The fact that they asked means a lot to me. Seeing them sad makes me feel sad too. I can't last remember being genuinely excited and looking forward to doing something, to seeing someone. All along I've felt happiest coping myself up in my room, where it was most peaceful. But that day, I couldn't help grinning like an idiot when I saw him there, already expecting me.
But that's how it is, isn't it? The sting of goodbyes will eventually fade away. People let go and move on, but it doesn't mean that anyone you meet is any less important.
Anyway, I still have my driving, university acceptance and Japan trip to settle. When I work, I end up neglecting everything else. I tell myself I have to think about what's truly essential in my life, rather than fleeting moments.

I will fight one more fight, don't break down in front of me

The Last Fight - Bullet For My Valentine

Which is worse, trying too hard or not trying at all?  I just want to stay at home and drown myself in books the rest of the holidays. 

On the bright side, work officially ends in two days. Although a small part of me wants to stay on and help J and maybe S with the reports, the urge to slack at home is stronger. That sounds pathetic, and probably is to most people, but I feel like I've been so caught up in making money I've neglected everything else. I'm tired all the time. I haven't earned much, and only recently did I accept that I can never earn enough. I've made barely enough for my trip to Japan, but there's no point in stressing over it. Plus, I think I need to regain some self-confidence before heading out into the working world again. At least I'll always know that no job can be as horrible and downright boring as my previous retail job at CM.